Why I Think Lawyers Become Socially Awkward-M Yusuf

(original on https://lnkd.in/fQ_Sepu)

Earlier this month on a trip to the dentist, in conversation, I mentioned to the doctor that I was a “law…” being unable to complete the sentence with either student, or “yer” since I was yet to take the bar exam and start working, and I had just finished law school. Upon examining my hesitant, and slightly comedic state, he remarked “you look like an endangered species.” I am still not sure what this means, and perhaps this is the kind of awkward scenario that results when two professionally trained individuals attempt conversation. However, this experience did make me realize that in the last 3 years of law school, me and perhaps many of my peers have put “social considerations” on the back burner.

If you are wondering how some (many?) lawyers become paranoid, socially awkward, with a hint of guilty conscience (at least initially), I think we must look to what we do as students for 3 years before entering practice. Apart from eating, sleeping, exercise, and the occasional “frolick,” the law student is spending his time (you can skip to the end of this paragraph to avoid this boring bit) studying, reading cases, doing pro-bono work, investigating claims, investigating crimes, putting together arguments, analyzing documents, statutes, identifying patterns, developing patterns, analyzing, investigating, analyzing, investigating, hypothesizing, developing answers, agruing and some more analyzing.

When we move into more practical training, and internships where we are forced to work for little/no pay, the pressure is on to impress. That means the primary function of our social interaction is to get the answer our boss wants or needs. This is not dissimilar from law school, where the boss is more like the professor. In order to do this, we need to skim endless streams of information to identify patterns, develop ideas, and string together explanations. As a result, finding the “answer” takes precedence over all other considerations.

Now, this is alright when all there is in life is eating, sleeping, studying, exercise and repeat. However, life becomes problematic when we start to have to interact with other human beings. You see, almost anything can be construed as information. What I have realized, at least while studying for the bar exam, is that under intense repetition or pressure, sometimes even in conversation, I am not looking for what the other person is saying or feeling, I am just looking for my “answer.” It is becoming an almost instinctive response. For example, on Facebook, on procrastination breaks while studying for the bar, I found it invigorating to study potential algorithms for different applications on the site (I still do not know entirely why this was, given that I have no background in computer science). Perhaps this was solely the result of this deeply ingrained pattern searching behaviour, a genuine interest in figuring out how things work or a desperate attempt to get away from the dull nature of bar preparation. (I think a mix of all three).

We are not completely unaware of our social incompetencies either, which is where the paranoia, insecurity and guilty conscience comes in. I have often joked with my friends about the “big law twitch” I notice on some lawyers from big/medium law firms who come to speak at our law school sometimes. At first my friends would comment that this remark seemed mean, but recently, a few have been coming to me saying “its real!” I think what happens is that after our experience of law school, we are thrust into the working world, where after a certain amount of time, no one cares about how smart you are, or how good your essays were (or perhaps it should be said, they care significantly less). People seem to want to like you. For the “answer” seeking beast that is the lawyer, this realization-that your success could depend on something other than the “answer”-can come as a shock.

For many of us, who may have become accidentally insensitive, this is a bit of a worrying shock. In many of our conversations, we make statements, or say things without considering or realizing the impact of the statement, beyond eliciting “our answer.” For example, I have had to work on various civil cases which required preliminary investigation and interviewing. Though those conversations were usually civil, my goal was to elicit information. When speaking to my boss or professor, my goal is to elicit clear instruction. When looking into murder convictions for the innocence project, my goal was to elicit potential alternative theories, or evidence of innocence/guilt.

Often times, when we do realize this has carried over into real life, whether in general interaction, family relationships, friendships, or otherwise, we (or I personally) realize how odd we (I) must have appeared, but usually this realization comes too late. What this could lead to is the notorious “twitch.” Perhaps the big lawyer man or woman realizes that they have developed some very unique skills, but are lacking severely in the social department (on some instances). This realization leads to extra caution, precaution and nervousness. Sometimes, when the lawyer thinks he has made a mistake in a social situation, a mixture of ego and guilt kicks in which gives rise to a “defensive” or odd reaction, in a situation where perhaps no reaction is warranted.

We become expert at reading body language if we need to find or demonstrate whether a person is lying or telling the truth, but seem to lack any understanding, and sometimes inclination, to understand how a person feels. After the lawyer realizes this, perhaps the paranoia begins to kick in. The twitch starts. Every sentence is followed by the doubt “did I say something stupid,” “did I sound like I knew what I was talking about,” and for some “was I offensive?” Add to that the constant cocktail of pressure from law school and work to impress our superiors in grade, deed and social interactions, and you have the deadly “lawyer asshole.”

Many of my friends have remarked that perhaps law school has made them more “boring” people. I would like to think not, but perhaps law school has made me a little less socially conscious. This may be for better or worse, but for some, this occurrence can lead to the insensitive wretch who is capable of letting their egos get the better of them in the workplace, or allowing an innocent person to languish in prison for the sake of “precedent.” Perhaps a societal change is needed, or an institutional re-focusing. That discussion is probably beyond my scope, but at least I may have made some progress in identifying the problem.